Karen Gillan, Elizabeth Olson
Dir.: Anthony & Joe Russo, 2018, Color.

Dave and Melinda were supposed to be at the theater at 7:40. They're always late and the others in the group are used to their bullshit.

"We can't find parking," Melinda texts at 7:44. Mel's the rare Los Angeles native so one would assume she'd be hip to the parking challenges. One would assume incorrectly. Everything is so goddamn difficult with them but friends are friends. They were there for me the night my that car got hit by a tree stump in the Astro Burger parking lot. They're good people. I have fond memories of Dave's bachelor party and often wonder if Melinda knows the extent of his gambling addiction.

I really enjoy the William Castle esque gimmicks of the MX4D technology. Recently, I had enjoyed air blasts, strobe effects, water jets and other gags during the new Jumanji film and again later with Black Panther. We all know Black Panther was a thrilling and culturally important cinematic landmark so just imagine how culturally resonant it was with neck ticklers!

"At $25 a ticket, it better be amazing!" said Kevin. For having never worked a day in his life, he sure seems to be hyperaware of the cost of things. He doesn't bat an eye when funding his needy drinking or swiping habit. Movies, however, appear to be a different story. Frankly, I used to be jealous of Kevin and his seemingly good fortune but now I feel badly for him knowing that he'll never have any kind of fire lit under him or any sort of inner drive. Everyone knows he doesn't recycle.

Mel and Dave arrive, faux-jogging, and we make our way up the stairs to the ticket kiosks. Dave gets in line for the group and the remaining five of us split to take care of business, Venmo'ing Dave accordingly for the movie tickets.

In line for my soda fix, I ran into Alice. It had been years since we'd worked together in New York and both expressed our regrets for not staying in touch. She was fresh out of a relationship and about to move from Echo Park to Santa Monica, clearly hesitant for reasons unknown. She showed me three pictures of her nephew. Not to be outdone, I showed her how adorable the children in my family are. It was great to see her. We wished each other well before she continued down the corridor of her life and into theater 12 to see I Feel Pretty.

It was 8:02 when Dave informed us that our intended 8:50 showing was sold out. I wasn't surprised. "But it's only 8:02," Greg offered. Greg's update somehow didn't help the situation.

"This is why we should've bought them online, I told you guys!" lied Kevin. It's miraculous that any one of the group chanced tickets to a new superhero movie in Los Angeles. Of course seats wouldn't be available. I was on the fence about joining the attempt but I live walking distance from the theater so I was happy to show up for the ride, or lack thereof.

Seconds later, Kevin texted us that he'd met "a hottie" at the movie theater bar and that he'd meet us after the movie. Greg and his buddy went to see A Quiet Place for the second time while I broke off with Dave to grab a bite. Melinda went home to "feed the dog" which was one of her laziest fibs to date.

This morning, I overheard a kid in line at Best Buy tell his dad that the Avengers movie was "epic" and "had the coolest stuff." At least I think that's what he said. I don't know. It was pretty loud in there.

Denzel Washington's best performance to date.